I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
