I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
