omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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