I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
