I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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