My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
