So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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