You work out of a Hotel?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
