just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
