Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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