you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
