Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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