He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
