the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
