It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
