Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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