How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have fence marks all over my body
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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