My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
