he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
