I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
