guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
