Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
