Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
