He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
