Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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