I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
