so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
