My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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