a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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