there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
