I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
