the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
