Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
