You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
