you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
