Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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