My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
