It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
