I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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