You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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