neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
