my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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