alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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