I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
