I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
