Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You are the jesus of drinking
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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