How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
