Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
