we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
