My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
