we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't notice because vodka
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
