Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
