Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
