Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
