Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
